Well douche your snatch and let's go!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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