you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
