nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
