Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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