if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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