I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
