Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
