I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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