Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
