Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
