We won't sleep together?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's Friday. Sex?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
