Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize