Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
