Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
