I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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