You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
