A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
