she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
