youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize