On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
