I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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