Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I die, sorry about rent.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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