if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
