dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
