2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Swine flu is the new snow day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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