i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
