girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize