ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
