Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
