You're a womanizer and a bitch.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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