i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
