Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
