saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize