I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
