So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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