She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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