My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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