I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
