I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Randomize
