hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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