He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
