So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
