If you die in college, do you die in real life?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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