that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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