All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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