After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
