I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
