Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize