just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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