My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
