Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
two words: eviction party
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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