his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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