Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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