i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
