i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
