she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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