So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
