PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
