so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
