Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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