I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
