Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
