think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
