his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
