about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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