They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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