you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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