Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
