Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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