Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize