i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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