I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
