Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
