I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
