This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
