Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The maid of honor just puked.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
