Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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