time to smoke my breakfast
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
