Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
