Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am one with the molecules
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
