Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
