the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
There's even glitter on my cock...
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