he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
