I should be sponsored by Trojan
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
