she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
