How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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