Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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