Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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