Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
