DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize