Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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