i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
