In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
