We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize