i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
