This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She bit a glass in half.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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